Such a Beautiful Disaster

Most of my close friends are guys because friendships are easier. They're not as needy as we women can sometimes be, but they can be just as messy (sticky, tricky, and lots of technical difficulties). Still, I have chosen my poison.

Yesterday, he (who shall remain nameless) and I had yet another misunderstanding. Nothing new there. We've become rather proficient at occasionally getting under one another's skin and on each other's nerves. He thinks I'm wrong. I think he's dead wrong. We both get pissed off.

Usually goes something like this.

"You're over-reacting."
"I'm sorry."
"No you're not."
"How can you say that I'm not?"
"You don't mean it."
"What?!"
"You're a trip."
"Why?"
"Because you have an attitude."
"No I don't."
"Yes you do."
"I didn't before, but now I do."
"Let's start over."
"Ok."

Some more banter from each of us trying to make our points yet again.

"We can't start over."
"Fine."

Silence for about five minutes.

"Are you mad?"
"No."

This is the point where we normally resume normal conversation and move on. But yesterday, he surprised me.

"You remind me of that song..."

Let me stop right here. Guys, if you want to get a girl's attention, tell her that she reminds you of a song.

He further clarified his statement by offering the specific lyrics he was referring to in this particular song. After listening to the song, I wanted to cry. He and I are truly platonic friends, but it was one of the sweetest things a guy (this guy in particular) has ever said to me.

This week, I'm sure we'll find something else to debate, have another misunderstanding, or just piss each other off for no real reason. But yesterday, let me tell you, I almost thought for one teeny tiny itsy bitsy split second of a moment that...

He reads this blog sometimes. Let's hope he overlooks this entry.

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My Own Special Gift - Part II

Vous m'avez convaincu qu'il était sûr de vous aimer et maintenant je ne sache pas s'arrêter.

Boy Meets Girl
When I was twelve, my best friend Lisa was the same person she is today. The most confident kid I knew. Everyone wanted to be her friend and all the boys thought she was cute. I, on the other hand, sorely lacked the confidence she had. And the boys. Let's just say they were too pre-occupied to notice :-). However, there was this one boy, Ian who wanted to be my friend. And then he wanted to be my boyfriend. He was cute and funny. Didn't take much for him to win me over. His warm heart enveloped me and made me feel not only pretty, but appreciated. At that age, having a boyfriend only meant that he called you on the phone, walked with you at lunchtime, wrote you love letters. Innocence. You can't buy it. It's priceless.

We shared a sweet, sometimes sour, on-again off-again juvenile relationship for two years before going to high school and eventually our separate ways. What happened? We were thirteen! Truth be told, we had another friend, a boy, whom I got really close to or should I say got really close to me. Ian was hurt. I knew that then and was sorry... then. As sorry as a kid that age would be for hurting her young love and dear friend.

I digress.

Today I downloaded Luther Vandross - Live at Radio City Music Hall 2003 which includes a 12 minute 49 second extended version of Superstar. The last time I heard this song I was riding with an old friend, one whom I may never see again. Hearing it today brought back memories of Egyptian musk, the sound of whispers, penetrating stares, strawberry cheesecake ice cream, a perfect view, rocking chair, easy chair, Chili's, chess, Jeopardy, Riley, a river that runs through the woods, past my home and makes my heart float.

Oh me oh my... don't wanna ... be no...fool for you baby.

I swear every time I hear that song from now on, I'll feel every thing my heart yearns for... Just so you know, I want a simple life too.

Mmph... long sigh...I'll have to pick up on this later.

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My Own Special Gift

Thanks Cole for encouraging me to share my own special gift - the ability to hurt someone so deeply that they spend 20 years plotting the perfect revenge. I didn't know I could evoke such a drastic reaction in anyone, much less someone I knew before I even had breasts.

In one of my earlier blog entries, I said that I would write about the crazy men in my life. I'd been holding out because I like men. My dad's a man. Both my brothers are men. Some of my best friends are men. I didn't want to offend anyone by implying that most men are crazy or can drive a perfectly sane woman crazy.

However, a series of recent events in my life have forced me to bring this up. Today I had an epiphany. The appointed time is now.

When I was standing in line at The Beautiful Restaurant (all of you Atlantans should know the place) during lunchtime today, there was this couple in front of me. She could have been in her late thirties, early forties. He was probably in his mid-forties. She was about 5'4" tall while he stood about 6'3". Both were very attractive. I watched as she wrapped one of her arms around his waist and he wrapped one of his around hers.

Bear with me. There is a crazy man in this story, but I want to share what sparked this rant that won't end soon.

Back to the couple... they looked so cute with their matching BlueTooth earpieces. I could tell they were into each other. Or at least she was into him. From the way she acted, they could have easily been making love only a short while before coming to the Beautiful for lunch. She couldn't keep her hands off him. She wanted him even then. She trusted him. And every time she looked at him, all her hopes and dreams were apparent in her eyes. I have to admit. They had me going.

My best friend since I was six years old gave me some wisdom that I have to pass along. When I went on and on about this guy who seemed to have it all together, she said "You know that all sounds great, but he's got one thing working against him." "What's that?" I asked. "He's a man."

Back to my couple.... In the short period of time I observed this loving couple, I had started to believe in true love again. I started believing that at the end of the day, a man and a woman could still simply love each other and make each other happy without needing anyone else. Then, the male part of this couple did something that I wasn't expecting. He turned to look at me. Just a quick glance. I smiled. As he ordered his food, he joked that he needed an additional side order of the entree because he might still be growing. I said it couldn't hurt to try. We laughed it off, but I noticed that his lady friend was slightly uncomfortable with his light banter with me. Afterwards, he gave me a couple more side glances which I tried to ignore, but I recognized as curiosity. My best friend's words instantly came to mind and once again I realized that I might have been wrong in my assessment of this seemingly loving relationship. With all the love, attention and affection he had standing right in front of him, he turned to examine his options behind him. Now this doesn't make him crazy, but it could certainly do some damage to her.

I'll break here.. obviously this story isn't finished. In my next installment, I'll offer more insight into my special gift. The perfect revenge after twenty years... damn, he's good. If I sound bitter, I'm not. Just hurt, disappointed and a tad bit cynical.

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